I Know, Nobody's Perfect...

There are times when I wonder if the memories I have will just fade to black.

Poof. Be gone.

Or, is it possible that because I feel them so strongly now, long after the moments, that they will just always be with me because for a moment in time, the love felt between two people was just that strong.

There were times that I used to sit up at night and doubt what was happening. How could this man, this stranger, love me as much as he did? Why?

I miss waking up and knowing we would talk. I miss learning more about my favorite adopted city knowing that we would one day live there and explore everything together.

I miss knowing that he could look at me and tell what I was feeling.

It was my decision, you know. To separate.

I wanted us to have a chance to get ourselves right before we made any commitments to each other. It had to be thought-out. I needed that. I thought, no, think, he did, too.

He said it meant I didn't love him enough. I said it meant I would love him until the day I died. Even if we couldn't be together.

...dramatic? Yes. But true.

It's been almost a year since that conversation and 8 months since we last saw each other; 5 months since we last spoke.

I wake up, look around my apartment and see him.

Every day I put on my 'signature' necklace and think of him.

I just think of him differently as time goes on and we don't speak.

And then I think...we deserve to do what I said we should.

Live. See. Understand.

So I am trying. Even when it requires a reminder.