Friday, March 25, 2011

Rodney King Called...He Says Getting Along Ain't Gonna Happen...

And now...a true case of online bullying:

We read a lot about cyber-bullying now that everyone is everywhere. There is no place to escape from some of the things said about us...or the things we say about others. Things like emails and blog posts and texts can last forever. And often, too often, they can find their way into the hands of people we'd prefer never knew just how mean we are to those around us.

I have thought about this a lot lately because a few weeks ago, I had a series of emails sent out about me by some of my fellow bloggers on a different site. Well, let me not exaggerate - it was not a big group. It was 4 people. Three of them had met me, one had not. One of them was involved in the original conversations, 3 of them chose to involve themselves later.

No, I will not disclose the names. I will only say that it was all much ado about nothing.

I would not rescind an invite to someone who wanted to attend a party. Why? Well, for a few reasons:

1. I didn't extend the offer in the first place;

2. It wasn't my party to say 'no' to;

3. The people being excluded have/had never done anything to me and I had never crossed into their blogging home before I was asked to exclude them. Funny, right? I should dislike people I didn't even know. To not dislike them out of hand meant that I am too dumb to make decisions. It's a wonder I can cross the street. Hold down a job. Raise a kid. Oh, wait....

When the first round of emails arrived in my in-box (they had been sent to a number of other bloggers and never to me until a friend forwarded them) I was surprised that things like my parenting skills; choice of friends; who I sleep with and my job had been tossed into the mix simply because I insisted on staying out of the initial argument...yeah, because it had nothing to do with me.

What was the offense? I refused to take sides.

Not because I am a punk but because it isn't for anyone to demand that I:

1. Choose a side in anything because I make my own decisions;

2. Get others to call or email me to demand that I choose a side or sides (see above item #1);

3. Try to bully me into choosing a side or sides (see above items);

4. Think that talking about me behind my back does anything to actually bother me.

Yes, I know. Bitchy sounding, right?

Yeah, I already heard that I'm not as nice as people think. You are right.

I am not.

Now, I could have easily started posting some of the things said in these back and forth conversations but why bother? I knew that once I stepped away the bullying would find a new venue because that is how it works.

That's why I called bullshit.

I spent my life being popular. Again, bitchy thing to say. I know. My popularity isn't built on anything other than being totally honest. If I don't like something I will tell you. But I will never shout it from a roof-top, I will quietly tell you when no one else is around. Then you get to choose how you want to deal with me. Apparently, adults like honesty. Go figure.

I read something that a brilliant writer wrote last night and I chose to make a reference to one line: No one here is insignificant. Yes, I chose to not focus on the rest of the post.

Every single writer out there has something to say. Every single one. Will you always like it? No, probably not.

But maybe instead of following people around to see where they are commenting, you might consider doing something like sending a private email to someone to ask why they felt a certain way. I dunno, maybe that's just me.

To be honest, I'm an asshole for suggesting it.

It's far easier to set flame to everyone around us than to say: Hey, why do you feel this way?

So I say 'fuck it'. I loved my other blogging place for years. To be honest, there are so many wonderfully gifted writers there that I am sad I can't find any place safe to comment except for a very small group of bloggers. Thanks, said bloggers, for keeping a blanket ready for when I am cold.

But before I finish this ill-formed monologue, let me say this:

Every single one of us has a friend who says things we either wish we could say or wouldn't say but have thought. Don't lie to yourselves because some of you are actually writing posts on behalf of those bloggers right. as. we. speak.

Go ahead and tell me you aren't.

The point? Yes, sometimes things are said that we don't like, or agree with or don't know the reason behind, or, or, or, or.

Find a better way to ask 'why' instead of group-think. That's killed off all civilized communities since the dawn of time.

And another thought: Sometimes, people have something going on in their lives that makes them more susceptible to a rant or an angry word or whatever. Leaping on that person like sheep on steriods is really only going to make matters worse.

It ends up making the 'victim' look like a bully.

And yes, I did go all "Hakuna Matata" on your asses.


Chris said...

I don't care what anybody says it's a free country and if you don't like what someone has to say in a post walk away. Make notes if you need to but you have zero right to tell them how to feel about someone else. It's like forced compliance by a mob to tolerate someone else's garbage. Why can't someone simply say something like "god I can't stand it when I visit this or that blog and some jackass constantly says X type of bullshit" It's not against any laws to find someone nauseating and wish they'd shut up cuz they're not fooling anybody...or is it ?? :-/

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Chris: Every time you say something, I wonder how I lucked out and found you on the blogs other than I was stalking Lisa around a lot. :)

Do you want to know how much has been written about me? A Lot. And I'm nobody. Well, at least outside of my own head. Inside I am SOMEBODY!

As for BS...maybe people just like it? I dunno.

Artemis J said...

I am not sure who or what...all I can say is that it is all fucking ridiculous. How dare someone tell another person who to communicate with?! It's offensive.

These people seriously need to get a life. My god. It's pathetic.

And really? 30-40-50 somethings cyber bullying? Really? Grow up.

Ugh. I hate stupid people.

You can say you aren't "nice" but you know what? Nice has nothing to do with being honest. You are honest, that does not make you not nice. Sometimes the truth hurts. Bringing that truth to light does not necessarily mean you are not nice. Feel me?

In the end, all that matters is the truth.

Chris said...

Ohh I read it hon ;-) it's a diversionary but the good part is you're not how they are and even though there' some nice people that get involved sooner or later they get used up too.
I'm with Ms Arty as well as always Nice has nothing to do with being honest..because dishonest people can play like their nice and sucker people in every day as well

iamkionda said...

There's something that a friend of mine told me a while back. "What people think about you is none of your business."

The more I meditated on that, the more it made sense to me. People are always going to hate, love, talk, or what have you. That's how they choose to dispense their energy.

Me? My energy is golden. :)

Mimi said...

I shall remain clueless, til death I do part. I sure as hell don't have the energy for it. There are far too many things I love doing, I can't be bothered.

Mimi said...

OK, just so you know, this is Linda. Unfortunately, when I first went on the blogs here, it was to read my daughter's and DIL's blogs, thus 'Mimi'

maxibadbitch said...

Wow, talk about deja vu. This sounds very, very familiar BD, and like you, I chose not to take sides on that site when I found myself in your position. History repeats itself often there, some learn a valuable lesson and don't repeat, while the sheep (those tht let others think/feel/speak for them) continue to repeat their behaviours with the endless supply of people at their disposal.

It's sad, but I only hope that history doesn't repeat exactly the same thing....when it happened to me, a good blogging friend who was put in the victim/bully position had suddenly died in the midst of the turmoil.

Sometimes walking away and taking a break from the mob mentality makes you think twice...especially when you get the shock like I did.

Free said...

"Hakuna Matata"?
You New Yorkers sure do talk funny.
Is that a Jewish or Hawaiian phrase?
I'm not going to worry about.