....'Crazy on You', Heart
I picked up a new yellow journal this week. It is the same PacMan Moleskin that I have been using for a few weeks now, but I needed to start from scratch.
I wanted to give myself a do-over of sorts.
You see, it's been a rough few weeks.
My friend lost a sister;
My best friend is finally having to admit that he's not in the relationship he wants;
Another friend lost his mother;
A new friend is mourning the anniversary of losing not just one, but two mothers;
"The Girl" is home from college and feeling very stressed.
And my faith in others has been bruised a bit in the most insane of ways. You know how something unexpected takes the wind of out your sails? Well, there. Then you know how I feel.
Putting it behind me, right? Getting over it. Learning that sometimes, people care more about those who leave than those who stay.
Writing about this whole sex in the city existence I have (as my therapist has called it because I wouldn't have thought of it).
It's all a lot to work out at once. I kept telling myself that I would focus, and I haven't.
That I would stick to a theme here, and I have, but at the same time I have traveled off of my own path.
Write a book. Train for triathlons. Open my heart. Forget that it is hurting in the first place.
Right now, I'd rather fly to the sun on wings made of paper than do one of those things.
And that's exactly why I'm trying so hard to remind myself that the hardest things to do are the most necessary.
So, today, A is home and we are setting our schedule for the week. I will run, and swim, and bike through whatever is ailing me.
And lucky for this space, I'll fill it with details of how one moves on from what they allow to hold them back.