Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. Jimmy Ruffin...

As I walk this land of broken dreams,
I have visions of many things.
Love's happiness is just an illusion,
Filled with sadness and confusion.
What becomes of the broken hearted?

I wasn't going to write this, but then I woke up and realized I'm a little tired. I think part of it is that I am exhausted from Sunday and if that triathlon wore me out, then in 20 days, I might be put on bed rest.

Part of it is that I have grown weary of people spinning the public relations machines for other people and part of it is that I just don't care to pretend anymore.

I'm watching a good friend lose his marriage it makes me sad because he is sad.

No matter how many times I hear his wife say that I hate her, or that I spread lies about her or, or, or, it doesn't matter.

Why? Because people have a right to believe what they want. They also have a right to say what they want, as long as they keep it away from me.

I've chosen to stay away from her words because I want to be able to say, honestly, that I have no idea what she's talking about when she posts on AFF.

I've listened to her husband tell me how much he loves his wife and family and I feel for them both. I want to say it's going to be okay, but what does that really mean?

The truth is, I've tried to be completely unbiased and keep saying that his wife has a right to be happy and he should respect that. We aren't who we were at 18 or 19 or 20. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is empowering to admit that we change and that our needs become something we might not have imagined.

I have to respect someone who says: I am not happy, and this will be for the best.

Maybe right now it doesn't seem like the best for all, but honestly, who gets to decide that? Only the people making the decision.

So, while I'm told how I feel, or what I think or what I'm saying, the truth is, people have every right to be happy.

Sometimes, the balance between self and family can't be found. That's sad, but there are ways to make sure that promises kept aren't all broken.

But this is why the AFF-y is not for me, I've grown tired of reading too many stories about too many breakups or too many people who don't realize that you can read a person's 'intent' in their words. For years in some cases.

Even if they can't.

If therapy has taught me nothing else, it has taught me to be honest about how important it is to follow your heart.

And that goes for people I love and people who are just passing by in life.


Chris said...

People have a right to be blindly stupid too unfortunately lol..and apparently disloyal and disrespectful to their own husband on a daily basis and have a bunch of people on the internet be supportive of it as well *HUGE eyeroll*

Let's not forget the kids involved too...a blog and the "attention" it brings is apparently more important than all of it whether people remain blind or not.

Your friend could nail her ass to the wall with one post...people feel helpless in those situations but if they stop and think they could do themselves and their family the biggest favor of all with a resounding "enough already !!" because even if it's over the aftermath will go on for quite a long time and the sooner he stands up to the bullshit in his own home that's gone on far too long the better.

Polyamorous...which is crap btw..lol...is many loves..there's no love in disrespecting your partner on a daily basis on a fucksite..that's caustic and if people are too stupid to see that then the hell with them. They'll get it some day when it's them and realize other peoples messes can teach lessons in their own lives.

There's alot of stupid people out there isn't there ?? lol

Anonymous said...

Leaving aff is like giving up smoking, I want to go back and find out what you are talking about but if I do I know it will taste shiteful. That doesn't mean I wont go back.

Kidfos said...

"We aren't who we were at 18 or 19 or 20. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is empowering to admit that we change and that our needs become something we might not have imagined."

See this is yet another reason why I adore you Double D. You have a knack of saying what I'm thinking.

You do realize though I'll be humming and singing that song for days now its in my head. Might try doing it with a cheery smile to confuse people.

Shall try listening to my heart, as much as I fear its Temper. ...

. ... I swear it mentioned hotdogs as well.

Just C said...

god, this is familiar :)

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Chris: I started to write a reply to you then got jealous because you are always so freaking smart.

Let me tell you what is the hardest thing ever...to look at my friend and to see that after all of the shit his wife has done, that he still loves this girl he married. Yesterday, I had to say it out loud: She is not your friend, as much as you want her to be. She gave that up when she had an affair with your best friend. But you still have to be civil and considerate because she has given you wonderful children.

Yes, he COULD nail her ass to the wall. He won't, he keeps it classy. One day, none of this will be more than a memory and I'm hopeful that one day happens soon.

Polyarmory is something I will never get because I'm okay saying I want to come home and have 'my person' - does that make me a monogamist as I keep reading? Maybe, or it makes me honest.

I date now because I don't want to settle down yet. When I am ready, you'll all know. :) And party with me.

@Frank: Don't. Do. It. There are sharks in the water. Wait, wrong movie. :)

@Kid: Go with your heart. Always. Even when you think you know the outcome. No love story, regardless or how long or how far or whatever, is a bad one. And I adore you. If you had a clone, I'd make him mine.

@C: Yes, it does, doesn't it. Will you visit me more often over here? Please? And are you writing where I can find you?

Sati said...

It's funny...when I joined the blogging community there I figured you were all polyamorous, because when I've talked to anyone you've all told me about how you can date people, sleep with people, who date and sleep with others, and you don't get jealous or upset or even wistful about it. And all this time I've been thinking that I'm a complete freak, with my monogamous ways. :)

Uh, I did have a point here, but I just saw my crush on TV and lost my train of thought. :p

Just C said...

D, I have a blog here. It's slightly cynical at the moment.

and yes, I will visit every day


Chris said...

Here's a question to ponder I suppose. Is/was your friend in love..or in love with the concept of being there and accepting things that came along and considering it part of the process ??
Personally someone who'd do despicably disrespectful things then blame it on me somehow wouldn't say love to me. A person who would breach personal trust and represent themselves as practically single..especially in a forum where others were familiar with me..says disrespect and little regard for the "one that loves you" no love yet..I won't keep digging those are more than enough..lol

Nice to see as well one day he's horrible for not just accepting things that hurt him and sloughing it of like it's normal and about her and the next when someone calls him something out of their own ignorance "she" somehow has a problem with it. Umm technically it's her fault she's showing him ZERO dignity yet again. I hope your friends simply in a brief denial stage...whole things about as sad and bizarre as it gets and people having it fly past their head is just as amazing.

Anonymous said...

I stay on AFF so that I can read blogs and chat with friends. But I've never been keyed in to the group of bloggers who play out weird dramas in front of others. I mean, I have my own drama and certainly use my blog to work through it, but hopefully I am not hurting anyone else.

As I've said before, I feel much better blogging on wordpress even though I have very few readers. The ones I do have are great enough to make it worth it for me. And the freedom is still something I'm not used to. It's nice to blog where there isn't a "Report for abuse" tag everywhere. That site is a set-up for cheap characters to go around ratting people out and basically acting like assholes cos they can.

I'm sorry for your friend. He's lucky to have you.

Now excuse me, I think I have a tantrum to throw.