Is drawn by only circumstance.
Sometimes, when I look back at my time with "The One", I realize that we were in a constant state of flux. Or, maybe it was just me.
An affair can become like a drug. You need your fix. And yet, it was the times when we were alone, sitting at a cafe, or reading together in bed, that we were the happiest.
I remember one museum trip early in our relationship. I had always wanted to visit the Chicago Museum of Art and the day we picked for this trip was perfect. Of all of the things that I saw that day, one exhibit stood out:
"Untitled" was a masterpiece in its simplicity.
Per the exhibit:
Felix Gonzalez-Torres produced work of uncompromising beauty and simplicity, transforming the everyday into profound meditations on love and loss. “Untitled” (Portrait of Ross in L.A.) is an allegorical representation of the artist’s partner, Ross Laycock, who died of an AIDS-related illness in 1991. The installation is comprised of 175 pounds of candy, corresponding to Ross’s ideal body weight. Viewers are encouraged to take a piece of candy, and the diminishing amount parallels Ross’s weight loss and suffering prior to his death. Gonzalez-Torres stipulated that the pile should be continuously replenished, thus metaphorically granting perpetual life.
I can remember walking over to the exhibit and taking 2 pieces of candy. One for me and one for the love of my life.
3 years later and I still have that piece of candy in my jewelry box. Maybe that was the best part of being in love. While the chaos of the world was moving around us, when we were together, the simplicity of just 'being' kept all fears and doubts away. Together, we always felt safe.
An affair is not a cause for a celebration on any level. It requires a lot of bad behavior to protect those few moments of good. Again, the burden of being in love at the wrong time is just sometimes too much to understand.
But each time I open my jewelry box I look at that simple gold-wrapped piece of candy and I know, without a doubt, that for a moment in time, my heart was safe.