Friday, September 23, 2011

And Then One Day...

I woke up and realized I had come so far and didn't know how I got there.

And then I remembered...

It was because of all of you.

You've changed my life.

You've made me realize I can do it...whatever 'it' is.

So will you come with me to the next place? To help me figure out where I'm going next? Will you let me be a part of your next 'it'?

I hope so...

I'm going to start fresh. Like, new, all over again. But wiser, more ready to listen, better able to learn: Thank you for giving me the ideas to even start.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Look At All The Pretty Stars...

When I started blogging a few years ago I was just trying to figure out what was important to say and what wasn't.

There are times where I am still trying to figure that out, but I think I've gotten just a little bit better and the trick was to be honest.

Too often, as writers, people get in the habit of saying what they think the reader wants to hear. Me?

I am happy to report that I am a mess of emotions at any given time. I worry about A and my friends; I wonder if I am making the right career decisions, or education decisions, or even triathlon training decisions.

I wonder where the world will be in a few years and how we've gotten to where we are now.

And I wonder if people want to know the real story on any of us or are they happy to just go along with whatever illusion we paint.

Me? I just want to say that I don't always know what's next, only that I believe I am capable of accepting it and adjusting.

I'm moving, yet again.

Through luck, or kismet or sheer coincidence, I have two people in my life who expect me to get better at this writing stuff and it's time for a blog home change. It's okay because I've been working on the graphics here for so long that I'd like to see how the other half lives. The truly creative half.

So, ladies and gentleman, wordpress it is.

But I need some help:

Do I want to be Bubblevishious there or BubblesDeux? This is big. I took both names earlier because I am greedy.

But I'm branding, bitches, and need your help.

I mean, I'm branding, friends, and need some input. :)

So...what do you think?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. Jimmy Ruffin...

As I walk this land of broken dreams,
I have visions of many things.
Love's happiness is just an illusion,
Filled with sadness and confusion.
What becomes of the broken hearted?

I wasn't going to write this, but then I woke up and realized I'm a little tired. I think part of it is that I am exhausted from Sunday and if that triathlon wore me out, then in 20 days, I might be put on bed rest.

Part of it is that I have grown weary of people spinning the public relations machines for other people and part of it is that I just don't care to pretend anymore.

I'm watching a good friend lose his marriage it makes me sad because he is sad.

No matter how many times I hear his wife say that I hate her, or that I spread lies about her or, or, or, it doesn't matter.

Why? Because people have a right to believe what they want. They also have a right to say what they want, as long as they keep it away from me.

I've chosen to stay away from her words because I want to be able to say, honestly, that I have no idea what she's talking about when she posts on AFF.

I've listened to her husband tell me how much he loves his wife and family and I feel for them both. I want to say it's going to be okay, but what does that really mean?

The truth is, I've tried to be completely unbiased and keep saying that his wife has a right to be happy and he should respect that. We aren't who we were at 18 or 19 or 20. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is empowering to admit that we change and that our needs become something we might not have imagined.

I have to respect someone who says: I am not happy, and this will be for the best.

Maybe right now it doesn't seem like the best for all, but honestly, who gets to decide that? Only the people making the decision.

So, while I'm told how I feel, or what I think or what I'm saying, the truth is, people have every right to be happy.

Sometimes, the balance between self and family can't be found. That's sad, but there are ways to make sure that promises kept aren't all broken.

But this is why the AFF-y is not for me, I've grown tired of reading too many stories about too many breakups or too many people who don't realize that you can read a person's 'intent' in their words. For years in some cases.

Even if they can't.

If therapy has taught me nothing else, it has taught me to be honest about how important it is to follow your heart.

And that goes for people I love and people who are just passing by in life.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Bobby Womack Called And He Wants To Tell You Something...

I wanna dedicate this song to all the lovers tonight
And I expect that might be the whole world
Because everybody needs something or someone to love
....If You Think You're Lonely Now, 1981

I thought last year was about lessons.

It wasn't. It was about being prepared to grow.

Wait. Isn't that a lesson?

Yes, I guess it is.

About 20 years ago, I made a decision to spend every year learning something different. I don't know why, at 18, this seemed so important, but it did.

I have studied religions, languages, the Vietnam War, presidential elections, water rights in third world countries and architecture.

You name it, and I've either spent a year learning about it, or I want to.

My friends call me 'The Oracle', but in reality, I'm just a girl who thinks the world is inspirational.

I never want to be complacent in my own life.

Last year I went out and met people I might not have otherwise found a reason to engage.

Some I have loved, others I have not. But in all of the cases, I have learned.

I have had an opportunity to be a friend to some people and had them return the kindness and we've all grown from the experience.

I have watched people write about their feelings but not talk about them; I've seen people act out their feelings and not accept that they are not being fair to those around them.

And I have learned.

I have learned what it means to say you're someone's friend and actually live the words. It is life-changing.

There have been a couple of times recently where I have been asked to 'be there' and each time, I have surprised myself by how willing I was to do it.

Last year, I hesitated because I worried about how things would look. Now?

When you know the truth about something, maybe that makes it easier to act. Or maybe I just made that up.

I'm finishing off a series on love on AFF because it feels like my class there is about to graduate.

And I think that is amazingly wonderful.