I love angst. No, not for myself. Not really.
I don't think I do angst very well. But it does come in handy for those creative types who can take a feeling or a word or a feeling and who can turn that into something with which we can all identify.
Angst can be a good motivator for change.
While I sat here last week wondering what was next on my 'to do' list, I harassed one of my friends who was supposed to be focused on his conference call. DF is funny. He and I have been discussing 'bitter'. He says I am not a bitter person and he is totally right. Then he said that I put the happiness of others ahead of my own. He's right about that, too.
Perhaps he should be less right and focus on getting that new treadmill in his office so he can take walks for both of us. :)
But in reality, for the right people in my life, I will stop everything I'm doing to make sure they are alright. That's what a friend or a lover or a parent does when they care about someone. Right?
Now, the sad fact of the matter is that I have been wanting to write about so much that I can't choose a starting point. I've got a little book filed with notes and each one is like a little lighbulb! YES! perfect blog title. Then. Nothing.
Then it hit me. I am tired of people telling me how awesome I am. Yeah, that's right.
I am tired of hearing it. Sometimes, I feel it's a sort of cop out. Or maybe it feels more like a question. You're so awesome, but.
But how come you haven't. Won't. Don't. Can't. Whatever. You're awesome.
Friday night was interesting. A very good friend of mine came over for pizza and basketball and we discussed our past year. A lot has changed for us and we're on this new kick of feeling really good. Well, that is until I was reminded that I'm not 'dating like a normal girl'. What does that mean, exactly?
It should be enough that I am surrounded by lots of friends, no? That counts as far as I am concerned.
Okay, maybe I don't date in a way that would make it easy to bring some of my friends home to mom. But hey, remember, my mom passed away a few years ago and I really don't think she would be upset at any of my choices. Well, aside from the fact that we weren't close, she also managed to trust my decision making skills more than anyone else's in her life.
So, yeah, I don't date 'like a normal' girl. I date like this girl.
And that's why when it comes down to it, everything's gonna be just fine, fine, fine.