Monday, March 21, 2011

And What It All Comes Down To Is That Everything's Just Fine...

Fine, Fine...
.....A. Morrisette.

I love angst. No, not for myself. Not really.

I don't think I do angst very well. But it does come in handy for those creative types who can take a feeling or a word or a feeling and who can turn that into something with which we can all identify.

Angst can be a good motivator for change.

While I sat here last week wondering what was next on my 'to do' list, I harassed one of my friends who was supposed to be focused on his conference call. DF is funny. He and I have been discussing 'bitter'. He says I am not a bitter person and he is totally right. Then he said that I put the happiness of others ahead of my own. He's right about that, too.

Perhaps he should be less right and focus on getting that new treadmill in his office so he can take walks for both of us. :)

But in reality, for the right people in my life, I will stop everything I'm doing to make sure they are alright. That's what a friend or a lover or a parent does when they care about someone. Right?

Now, the sad fact of the matter is that I have been wanting to write about so much that I can't choose a starting point. I've got a little book filed with notes and each one is like a little lighbulb! YES! perfect blog title. Then. Nothing.

Then it hit me. I am tired of people telling me how awesome I am. Yeah, that's right.

I am tired of hearing it. Sometimes, I feel it's a sort of cop out. Or maybe it feels more like a question. You're so awesome, but.

But how come you haven't. Won't. Don't. Can't. Whatever. You're awesome.

Friday night was interesting. A very good friend of mine came over for pizza and basketball and we discussed our past year. A lot has changed for us and we're on this new kick of feeling really good. Well, that is until I was reminded that I'm not 'dating like a normal girl'. What does that mean, exactly?

It should be enough that I am surrounded by lots of friends, no? That counts as far as I am concerned.

Okay, maybe I don't date in a way that would make it easy to bring some of my friends home to mom. But hey, remember, my mom passed away a few years ago and I really don't think she would be upset at any of my choices. Well, aside from the fact that we weren't close, she also managed to trust my decision making skills more than anyone else's in her life.

So, yeah, I don't date 'like a normal' girl. I date like this girl.

And that's why when it comes down to it, everything's gonna be just fine, fine, fine.


Chris said...

You may not date like a "normal girl" but you interact like a normal human being. Everybody's ideas of what we're supposed to be doing is boring as hell. AT least to me :-D

People used to say "you should settle down and find a nice woman to be with" my answer was always you find one for me and make sure her sisters easy too !!! People don't tell me that stuff anymore ;-)
Since you don't want people agreeing and saying you're awesome then fine...I'm ordering you to do whatever the hell you want and NOT worry about what others think !!!

Oh and because I'm difficult and don't take directions well ..You're awesome anyway !! Deal with it !!! XOXOXO
Df is a cool mutha too...wise witty and such great oral hygiene !!! Don't tell him i said that though..shhhhhh!!!

BenSmarty said...

That's it. I now proclaim that you awesomely suck for eternity. Feel bitterly better now? ;)

Artemis J said...

You're so not awesome. You kinda suck. Let's go listen to some Sex Pistols and yell at people then mosh.

I have no clue about angst. None at at all. Nor do I have any experience in being awesome.

What is normal anyway? People forget that "normal" does not equal "healthy" necessarily. You (generalized) do what is healthy for yourself and that is all that really matters.

Atlanta_Red said...

H is just pissed that you won't date him! What a dumb ass!!

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Chris: LOL! The nman does have good hygiene! I won't tell him thought becaus etoday he said something about juggling balls. I didn't want to ask.

As for me, I'm totally normal I've been divorced twice so that's like a national norm. ;) I know my problem and it is simple: I take time to build trust because once it's established, I'm in forever. That's for friends, lovers, co-workers, you name it. Oh, and you're hot when you're ordering people around. :)

@Smarty: I'll take that eternity and raise you two brimstones or adoration! :)

@Arty: Let's MOSH! I haven't done that in years. I'd like to think I am pretty healthy, even when I'm a bit insane. ;)

@Red: No, he was not wrong, not totally. He hit on one key point: I do not like to 'ask' if I can do things. I like to say 'this is what I want, do you want to do it, too? No, cool, I'll be back'. That comes from 30+ years of doing for everyone else first. I am not embarrased by this, I just didn't think anyone really noticed my MO.

iamkionda said...

One person's normal is somebody else's boring or really exotic good time. It's relative. So your normal is what you are doing now. That's just you at the moment. It sounds like you're Ok with you should be. Do you girl and everything will continue to be just fine, fine, fine.

Oh yeah...and you're awesome! Lol. I don't listen that good either. :D

Kristi said...

Ok, so you might not be awesome all the time or normal....who is?

But you did just quote Alanis Morrisette and that is pretty damn HAWT.

"And what I really want, is a soulmate, someone else to catch this drift...."