Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Why I Can't Title This...

...Because I'm not sure where to start.

After five years on the world's biggest sex site, I keep thinking I have learned it all. I haven't.

I haven't learned why people call themselves swingers when they are really insecure narcissists.

I haven't learned why so many people are looking for love, while saying they are really looking for casual, while acting like they are looking for someone to treat them like crap.

I haven't learned why people are so fucking mean to one another.

I haven't learned why everyone having an affair believes they are the only person to have one; the only person to feel 'this way'; the only person who has had to learn to live a double or triple life.

No, I have not learned the answers to any of these things and yet, I continue to try to understand. Why? Well, it seems to be in my nature.

It also seems to be in my nature to try to understand why people make others suffer for their own issues.

Yes, all of these are things I want to understand. Perhaps fundraising is not the right career. Perhaps psychiatry is.

I have a number of 'characters' I could write about and yet, the scariest part is that these are real people. They are parents (biologically speaking, only); they are educators and doctors and police officers and lawyers; they are homemakers and professionals of all sorts.

And what binds them together is a need to be told they are awesome.

Don't we all have that need on some level? Maybe.

But does that need have to infringe upon everyone else's life?

I wrote a post about the site's largest bully. It was removed. Why? It was the truth. Good lesson: Fuck the truth.

Then I learned that people want to have fun there. So I will have fun. For now. I don't think it will last long. I'm not really feeling it right now.

On this site, I will write about Chato "hereafter referred to as: The One" and I will write about "The Prince" and I will write about the people who are so ridiculously petty and mean-spirited and yet, on some level, looked at as nice and innocent. Oh, and the search. The search for the most awesome partner to my crimes. The one.

Yes, I will do that here because there is a story here somewhere. Or perhaps the story is everywhere. What we do to others when we believe we won't be caught.

The fact is: We will be. Everyone is.

No one who manipulates or bullies gets out unscathed.

They just do a lot of damage to others before they hit their wall.

Time to start removing the bricks.

Let's start with a story about "The Prince". It will curl your hair. I know it has mine.

I keep hoping that one day, he will turn into "The King", but I tell you...there must be a reason the 'awesome search' has continued, right?

Must be.