Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Why I Can't Title This...

...Because I'm not sure where to start.

After five years on the world's biggest sex site, I keep thinking I have learned it all. I haven't.

I haven't learned why people call themselves swingers when they are really insecure narcissists.

I haven't learned why so many people are looking for love, while saying they are really looking for casual, while acting like they are looking for someone to treat them like crap.

I haven't learned why people are so fucking mean to one another.

I haven't learned why everyone having an affair believes they are the only person to have one; the only person to feel 'this way'; the only person who has had to learn to live a double or triple life.

No, I have not learned the answers to any of these things and yet, I continue to try to understand. Why? Well, it seems to be in my nature.

It also seems to be in my nature to try to understand why people make others suffer for their own issues.

Yes, all of these are things I want to understand. Perhaps fundraising is not the right career. Perhaps psychiatry is.

I have a number of 'characters' I could write about and yet, the scariest part is that these are real people. They are parents (biologically speaking, only); they are educators and doctors and police officers and lawyers; they are homemakers and professionals of all sorts.

And what binds them together is a need to be told they are awesome.

Don't we all have that need on some level? Maybe.

But does that need have to infringe upon everyone else's life?

I wrote a post about the site's largest bully. It was removed. Why? It was the truth. Good lesson: Fuck the truth.

Then I learned that people want to have fun there. So I will have fun. For now. I don't think it will last long. I'm not really feeling it right now.

On this site, I will write about Chato "hereafter referred to as: The One" and I will write about "The Prince" and I will write about the people who are so ridiculously petty and mean-spirited and yet, on some level, looked at as nice and innocent. Oh, and the search. The search for the most awesome partner to my crimes. The one.

Yes, I will do that here because there is a story here somewhere. Or perhaps the story is everywhere. What we do to others when we believe we won't be caught.

The fact is: We will be. Everyone is.

No one who manipulates or bullies gets out unscathed.

They just do a lot of damage to others before they hit their wall.

Time to start removing the bricks.

Let's start with a story about "The Prince". It will curl your hair. I know it has mine.

I keep hoping that one day, he will turn into "The King", but I tell you...there must be a reason the 'awesome search' has continued, right?

Must be.


iamkionda said...

Hey chica! Concerning having fun...if you're not feeling it why do it? It won't be much fun. It will be more Blah work. Only do it if you're feeling it. More fun that way.

Holy crap, I think this is the first time I've given you advice. I won't make this a habit...I swear! Lol.

Smile! :D

Chris said...

People do things to others because they lack the proper amount of empathy for others and lack the ability to see things from the perspective of what if that happened to me or someone close to me I cared deeply for. They also lack integrity in bucketloads. You can be a swinger, fwb, or find a real true love..all of which can be done with integrity regardless.

Also people who feel the need to hear how "awesome" they are tend to be the type that don't hear themselves think I'm proud to be me" first. I'm cynic and think that while even good hearted people feel the need for reassurance from others...not "needing it" makes it better if people do actually say it and if we didn't need it because we appreciated ourselves first then it's never lost in not hearing it elsewhere.

Good god that was rambling !!! lmao

Lisa said...

I need to hear how awesome I am. So, I tell myself my head. But it's usually in a sarcastic tone "You're so freakin' awesome, girl!"

I've been doing the online format thing for, um, almost 13 years. (Yeah, I've forgotten what life was like before the Internet, sadly.) One thing I have learned is this: Most people are selfish, narcissistic, rude, and have a deep seated hatred for themselves. That's my theory, anyways. People who hate themselves have an overwhelming desire to hear how awesome and grand they are. They have a need to squash anyone who won't pander to their delusional self worth.

Then again, I don't like many people. I try not to be cynical, but damn people make it hard.

John said...

Before AFF I had only seen the good of the internet as a communication vehicle. FB and LI are civilized. AFF is the wild west. People admit they create one or more personas to reflect who they would like to be or what they feel but can't express in society. Then it seems they see all the other personas as no more real than avatars in a role playing computer game. It is not personal it is about winning the game whether you are racking up points as the smartest, most popular, baddest . . . So folks say things and do things they would never say or do to a person they knew in the real world. I really believe that there are people who, when online feeling anonymous and playing their persona, simply don't feel the need to be accountable for their actions and don't believe that their actions may hurt real people. Sad since their is so much good there if folks treated each other like real people.

BenSmarty said...

For the love of God, never ever call me awesome, ok? And I did snicker when you said "the site's largest bully." Sorry, but my laughing days are over ;)

Atlanta_Red said...

@ Smarty......I sure as hell hope not. Whatever will we do at your house on Friday?

Atlanta_Red said...

Do princes ever become kings? Aren't they always killed off first?

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Kionda: You are right. And you know, it's the same thing I would say to any of you. Why do it!? Why, indeed? :(

@Chris: Always so wise! I am modest by nature. I will compliment people without a problem, but I hate to have them directed back at me. Ask Red, she hates that I do that.
The thing is you can't give anyone self-confidence. No matter how hard you try. If people understood this, there would be happier relationships.

As for integrity: Yeah, that is a whole different post!

@Lisa: Like you, I've got a long term net prescence. And you are totally right! Selfish, insecure and liars. They lie to themselves and they lie to others.

I get that. Then I wonder: Why does it still bother me?

I'm a sucker for truth and honesty, lol.

@John: Before AFF, I thought people were nice. AFF has taught me that people can be real assholes.

That's right, I said it. No one is accountable, but everyone wants me to be accountable for not only my actions, but those of everyone around me, too.

diggydug said...

I feel I'm out of the loop on this but I will say when i was on the site I did not bother too much with the bullshit that people spewed I tried my hardest not to spew it back unless it was warranted. When people get tired of AFF they venture out but they always go back, Why? because on some level they like the dramam that goes on there and have built a following if you went somewhere else and didn't tell anyone your thoughts would be for the crickets because we get set in a mode and dont want to break it. I dig your vibe and pulse thats why I am here. I know you live life and are not stuck behind your computer, those are the ones who cause the most trouble they need attention they can't get in their own worlds.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Smarty: LOL! That was totally not intentional!


@Red: I don't know. I've yet to find one that wasn't killed off in the 3rd act. :(

@Diggy: You changed your name! I like it! I like people who do the following:

Admit they are human. Have lives that are important to them because they love themselves and their families. Even though they are just human. 'Just' in quotes. That's why I always love to read your words. You are genuinely human.

Artemis J said...

Chris said the key word.


Some people simply have none.

Artemis J said...

Also, one is not "awesome" if they tear others down in order to appear "awesome".

They are just shit heads.

Christy said...

If you aren't having fun, why do it, indeed? Just to see what happens?

Sati said...

"I haven't learned why so many people are looking for love, while saying they are really looking for casual, while acting like they are looking for someone to treat them like crap."

That's the only bit I have an answer for, and it's only from my point of view.


Not profound enough? Too obvious? Sorry, chickadee, that's all I've got for you tonight.

I joined because I was sick of hurting people. I was sick of idolatry that ended up in badly - with stalking or suicide in the worst cases, with pain inflicted on others in the lesser but still bad ones. I did not want love, I wanted like and respect with someone who wouldn't come to want more than I could give.

On about 50% of my days, I tell myself I still don't want love. I don't, dagnabbit. But whether I look for it or not, whether I meet my partners online or off, it just...well, finds me.

Some days this is easier to take than others.

As for the acting like you want to be treated like crap...ehh. I don't think I can comment on that one - we all have our different opinions of how much shit we're happy to take from people. For example, Christie thinks that I let Curt walk all over me, and is angry on my behalf, whereas I don't feel that way at all. What she sees as mistreatment, I see as perfectly reasonable, and will continue to live with until such a point as I don't feel like it's reasonable anymore. Just different tolerance levels, I guess.

Christy G said...

My thoughts are ... aren't we suppose to be prince or princess when we are kids, but become a King & Queen once we hit adulthood ?

Is our path already set by the time we hit our age ?

I'm not saying you can't improve ourselves but ...

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Arty: Chris is a brilliant man, even though he tries to get me to think he's just a normal boy.

And they are shit heads.

@Christy: Why do people stay in any relationship (work, love, friendship, etc.)? Because on some level it works for them until they learn it either doesn't, or needs to change. But the beauty of a real relationship is that you can even have the discussion about where something is going, right?

@Sati: First, I adore you so much. I wish I was visiting right now!

For me, I joined 'there' because it was a non-dating site years ago. Or at least my side was. Then it merged with AFF and I stayed for the blogs. I have met a tremendous amount of amazing people there. And I've seen heartache.

As for love. I love it. A lot.

I also really believe it takes a lot of work and I am happy to put in my fair share for the right person.

Of course you are right about how we see ourselves being treated compared to how others see us. Yeah, the stories I could tell about that!

@ChristyG: I'm still a work in progress on some levels. I'm okay with that to a point. :)

I do think that I am the type of person I am going to be at this point. I can improve, but my core is who I am. Maybe that is unfair? What do you think?