Thursday, April 7, 2011

Let It Burn, Let It Burn, Let It Burn...

I really wish I could write a story in real time. Perhaps that is the problem. Life is not always 'real time' even though it should be. Clocks say so.

Last night I asked "The Prince" a very simple question:

'Were you more in love with her than you told me? And, did I undervalue the importance of the relationship with her, based on what you have been saying for almost a year now?'.

That was at 3:37 PM. I will let you know when he answers me. He called, twice, while I was in a meeting. Then I worked late and he fell asleep.

Ahh...the differences in a time zone, huh?

I seem to do this a lot. Select men who are far away. Sometimes it is mileage. Other times it is emotionally. Don't let anyone tell you that an emotionally 'independent' man is any easier to deal with than a man who keeps his heart on his sleeve. He isn't.

So I wait. I wait to hear if the words "The Princess" wrote to me have truth, or if I will hear something different.

But...and this is the kicker of this story: Will it matter?

That's always the thing, right? When you already know what you will do, you just haven't done it for whatever reason.

Right now, I'm not even sure if I am feeling my own emotions or if this fucking Adele CD is just messing with me. I'll let you (and myself) know if I figure it out.

Red...I joke that you set me up with "The Prince" so it's partly your fault. I am kidding.

I knew what I was doing. And I know why I did it. I never expected to be 'here'. That's on me. I thought "The One" and I would work out after time apart. I hedged on that for a whole year. Even after Austin, I couldn't get it into my head that maybe I was wrong.

You know what "The Prince" was supposed to be...a fun 'thing' to help me deal with "The One" and our ending. I know that no one is perfect. I know it isn't easy giving up your heart...

Crap, there goes Adele again. Crap. I need to take her off of the auto-play.


BenSmarty said...

You've know what you needed to do for a very long time now. This is just the last kicker, so to speak.

BenSmarty said...

P.S. Thanks again for making me listen to my fav Adele song on repeat. Ugh!

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Smarty: Sometimes, I wish someone could do the heavy lifting for me.

This Adele CD is going to be the death of me.

Christy said...

"Lord, what fools these mortals be." That quote keeps circling in my head this week. Sounds like it applies to you, too.

Not that I'm singling you out as a fool. Aren't we all fools in love? What else can we do but try to pick up and dust off and go on, dignity in tatters?

Christy G said...

*GULP* ... Now I understand the dark cloud references.

Life would be so much easier if someone could be brought in to do heavy lifting in these type of situations.


BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Christy: It is not a matter of being a fool for love. Hell, I wish that was the problem.

It is a matter of needing to get as much as I give. That is my breaking point in all relationships. There are people who will tell you they have no idea how we became friends or lovers. The answer is easy: They allowed themselves to be 'real' around me. Not some caricature of who they thought I would accept.

I was sitting with Red this weekend and we were talking about how we are the same, yet different, when it comes to love. Maybe that is where I am going with my story. We're all looking for that full on leap to greatness.

@ChristyG: No gulping! A called me a few weeks ago and sort of asked if I would talk to her boyfriend for her since she wanted to break up. The answer? No.

She went on and did what she had to do. I am proud of her. Thanks for the hug, by the way. Don't try to take it back!