Monday, April 4, 2011

Do You Know Where You're Going To...

Do you like the the things that life is showing you..
.....Diana Ross

Those first few weeks of talking with Chato were simply amazing.

I remember our first call. I told him he could call while I was walking to the subway because it was a short walk. I didn't expect to sit on the steps outside of my office and talk for over half an hour. It wasn't until he got paged to go back to work that we realized how much we had said.

From that point on, we spoke daily. What did we talk about? Everything. Nothing was off limits.

A few weeks later I asked if he would come with me to a birthday party in Rhode Island. A part of me had hoped he would say no. Then I wouldn't have to put my money where my mouth was. He said yes, without hesitation.

That started the flurry of planning.

Now here is what I will say about being a parent who is about to embark on an affair: You want to take your child and run.

Run because while you can see where you have been and where you are heading, you want to protect your kids. I am sure of this.

I hear the stories. I know that good parents don't ever want to hurt their kids. Ever.

By the time Chato and I met in April, we were friends. The kinds of friends who would say anything to the other. But, I wasn't sure we were anything else.

He told me he loved me. I said 'thank you'. I couldn't say it back. As much as we talked and shared, he wasn't real. Not really, real.

We met on a beautiful spring day. He was perfection. I had never imagined that this stranger would show up in NY and drive with me for 3 hours and that those hours would feel like minutes. We laughed and we shared stories and we teased each other.

But like any good movie, we started our trip with a crash. A bridge that for years had stood lowered, was raised for a boat to pass through. As I stopped and looked back in my rear-view mirror, the car next to us was rear-ended. I rememebering saying to Chato: This is unusual. This bridge is never used. It must be the universe telling us something.

I still believe that. I fell in love that weekend like I had never fallen in love before. We did the most random things. We watched bad MTV shows and he laughed at me as I sat, mesmerized, by the NFL draft. We ordered pizza in and watched CSI marathons. And we woke up the next morning like we had been together 50 years.

And I wondered how I had never noticed that look before. You know the one. The one that says: You are my love.

Where was I all of these years? Maybe I had decided there was no 'one' for me. I'm not sure. All I know is that by the time I was driving home on Sunday morning and he was flying back to Chicago, I had changed my life in some way.

And I wasn't go to 'un-change' it for another two years.


BenSmarty said...

Taking the kids and running. Hmmm... I get that one.

NOVA_Sue said...

so beautiful........this and the other. I love when you share your heart.

why does growing up have to hurt so much?!?

Atlanta_Red said...

And with the smallest of looks or words we "fall". Been there . . . and I wouldn't change it for the world!

iamkionda said...

why does growing up have to hurt so much?!?

Growing pains. If you don't feel any then you are not growing. :)

I remember feeling like this once. Oh to be in love. It was a beautiful feeling. A feeling that I want to feel again. A feeling that you will feel again as well. :)

raw form said...

That gives me a lot of clarification. I knew you two were close but I was not aware you had met. I do hope you'll share more I know being in this forum and meeting someone who is a match to you is the most amazing feeling. I missed it myself it crept up on me.

gr8ful_deadbeat said...

My dear... you have no idea how much this post hits home for me. Seriously. This is exactly what's going on in my life right now... I have met this girl who has blown me away in so many different ways. We spend our time together much like you described your time with Chato... simple, easy, random things... with no rhyme of reason... but that "look" always comes out... the one that says "I love you!"

I am smiling big time after reading this post... thank you very much for sharing!

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Smarty: I know. Every single time I had to leave "The One" I would cry all night. Then I would write him a letter from the plane. Sometimes I mailed them. Sometimes I just held them 'in case'.

@Sue: I wish I knew! I remember when I was a kid and all I wanted was to be an adult. Sigh.

@Red: I know you have. :( I hope that wasn't the last time for anyone who ever felt that way.

@Kionda: One day. One day we're all going to wake up and not remember not having been in love.

@Raw: We met, fell in love (maybe out of order, lol) and to be honest, I've never felt like that before in my life. Even now, I know I'd drop anything for him. That's how close we became.

@P: You know, we find love when we aren't looking! That's why reading your posts make me smile so much.