Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I Will Not Forsake The Colors That You Bring...

I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

...Stuck In A Moment; U2

I have been thinking a lot about the idea of passion... How does one define something so vague, so fluid, so too-often out of reach?

Far too often, we find it when we are either least expecting it or when we can least really understand how it will change our lives. But that is the thing, without it, what do our lives really mean?

I love the idea of passion. To be swept away by a feeling. To want to jump, heart first into something. That's what life is about, right? Leaping. To find the beauty in something that perhaps no one else sees.


To be honest, I am not thinking specifically about the passion associated with love or lust, but also the passion we find for things like our careers or destinations or our friends and families.

I find that many people hold just a little bit of themselves back and with that hedging comes, I honestly believe this, an inability to truly leap.

Now, the truth is, I am guilty of this. Yes, I can say it until I am blue in the face, but last night I was reminded of the hedging that I do with people. Even when I simply want to act, I don't always.

It isn't for any other reason than I don't want to impose.

No, that isn't true. Not really. You see, I believe everyone deserves the leap. No one should live a life of grey. There is too much color out there for us to sit in a box and wait for the lid to close on us one day.

But to find that color, that passion, takes trust. Trust that if one day you are without it, that you will be okay. Trust that you deserve it. Trust that it does, indeed, exist. Trust that if you lose it, you will be okay.

To trust in passion.

How wonderfully poetic. To trust in something you can not see.

That's what I want. I remember being in Paris and thinking: I want to feel like this forever. Then I came home and life started to intrude just a little too often and I had to remind myself that I'm capable of passion and color and leaping.

So, to any of you out there who have heard me say you need to find your passion. You deserve it. Next time, call my bluff because so do I.

Besides, this 'awesome search' ain't gonna start itself.


Chris said...

I think passion is something that we can have for many things and many people on many levels. That it's more about our own trust in ourselves to let others know what we feel passionate about. Whether we give a little of it or alot depends more on the other person, place or thing. Our passions still 100% but in each instance some may only earn half of it or all of it.
That passion is in all of us whether its on display at the time or not.
Your trip may have opened your eyes to something you thought wasn't so much there but I'm guessing it just was awakening something dormant for other reasons.

iamkionda said...

Passion. Yes, this is a very broad term. Only the person seeking it will know what it is, what it feels like to them. It's so different for everyone. Can be very hard to explain as well.

To give you one of my examples, I love my job. Very passionate about it. I left a very lucrative field in technology and took a huge leap towards photography. It was a done deal from there.

I'm passionate about a lot of things. I need to be to enjoy this thing called life. :D

BenSmarty said...

This calling your bluff thing is a moving target with you.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Smarty: That's why I carry a big bullseye with me. So people can see the target.

raw form said...

I haven't felt passion for much lately. I agree with iamkionda it is a very broad term and it is solely up to the individual. interesting thoughts B

maxibadbitch said...

I haven't felt the passion for much lately, except for getting rid of clutter so I can move. Work and home life is too chaotic at the moment to be able to go after something that I am passionate about...or have the time to figure out my passions. Hopefully..some day?

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Chris: You are right! Passion can be for many things. The trick is just to stop and remember to embrace it when you're feeling it, right?

And you're right: Not that 'it' wasn't there, but more that I pushed it aside to be everything to everyone but myself. Ugh.

@Kionda: Super Broad! No, that's not a new superhero. :)
What I love about you (from the distance that I get to see you) is that you have an eye for life. Does that make sense? It does in my mind, I swear.

@Raw: You've been really busy lately, haven't you? If you can, don't do what I do and forget to 'smell the roses' or whatever plants ya' got out there. :)

@Maxi: I Hear You! Yep! I went all caps on that sentence because when life gets in in the way, passion is usually the first thing to vanish! :(

C said...

Beautiful D,
I'm Italian. I live passion
I love passionately
I am passionate

I'm Italian
I can only tell you...
eat, love and argue
with your eyes closed

It's known that if you take away one sense, the others become sharper


BenSmarty said...

Now that C... she's awesome!

Artemis J said...

Life is so empty without passion. Honestly, before I was laid off, I had had a completely passionless existence for a few years. And it sucked. My trip to Europe also made me realize that I was living this very bland life.

Not that I needed drama or excitement. I just needed passion. I found it in writing and in my band and in my sweetheart as well.

Passions - more than just a soap opera with witches on it.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Smarty: Yes, I agree. She is.

@C: Passion is something that I try to temper. Stupid, right? I am not so great at the free fall for some reason. So maybe I'm only a little colorful?

@Arty: I heart you so much. I hope you know that. I'm going to stick close to you because you're happy and I want it rubbing off on me. Quickly!

Lisa in Denver said...

I remember very specifically a point 9 months ago or so where I bawled at Eat Pray Love when she said "I want to go somewhere where I can marvel at something". My reaction to that told me I had lost my passion somewhere along the way.

It can be hard to reclaim it. For me, it usually requires some pretty significant upheaval in my life and moving through grief to get there.

But in the end it's worth it. Here's to all of us finding our passion - whatever it may look like!