Monday, March 14, 2011

There Is No Grief...

Like the grief that does not speak.
.....Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I am probably one of the world's most shameful Catholics.

It isn't on purpose by any means. I just believe that God really does love all of us, regardless of our views on sexuality, pregnancy and multi- faith beliefs. I know...crazy talk.

That doesn't mean that I don't look forward to Lent.

The chance to get things right. To have a renewal. To learn about yourself. These are just some of the reasons I look forward to this time of year. More than any other Christian holiday, Lent reminds me to stop and focus on who I want to be, not who I have been.

When I was a child, I would give up things like chocolate or gum.

A few years ago I decided to give up intangible things. Well, maybe they aren't truly intangible. Can a change have no form? Maybe, but it still offers intrinsic value, right?

Last year I decided to give up anger for Lent. It was harder than you might imagine. I had to let go of things that upset me and there were times when I forgot that I was supposed to be releasing instead of holding things inside. But, at the end of the process, I did feel a lot less angry. I especially felt less angry about things for which I had no answers. I started speaking just a bit more freely.

That's the things about holding things inside. Once you get used to doing it, you lose a bit of your voice - of yourself.

How sad, right?

This year I am giving up grief. Sure, I wander around smiling. A lot. And laughing. But there are things that have made me sad and once sadness sets in, it can lead to grief. No, it's not always about a physical death. Sometimes an emotional one can be just as hard. If not harder.

And of course, grief holds us back from where we need to be, right?

Right. So that's why I need to learn to let it go.

What I felt while traveling this past January really feels like a sea-change in my life and I just really want it to be who I am always. Not just a few weeks out of the year.

So...40 days of getting rid of a new tangible intangible.

This could be the start of a whole new trend. Or not.


BenSmarty said...

Sorry but you're not the world's most shameful Catholics by a longshot. But the addition of "Angry Birds" on your iPad now makes more sense :)

Free said...

Grief can hold you back if you don't let go of it but it a large part of the healing process.
No wound will heal without some pain.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Smarty: Those angry little birds are totally relaxing. Plus, the game makes me laugh out loud and that's never a bad thing.

@Free: It DOES hold you back! People don't realize how much holding things inside can really debilitate them in their day to day activities.

chrisp2412000 said...

That's a brilliant concept actually. Giving up chocolate or coffee or whatever is far less meaningful. Giving up hate and grief makes a heck of alot more sense and is far more of a help longterm. 40 days without grief will certainly open your eyes about something that wasn't necessary in the first place even if it felt like it was part of life's deal. You know you didn't have to wait for lent to do that gorgeous ;-) kidding...I like it even being non-religious :-)

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Chrisp: You know, it's so funny...we wait for the calendar to remind us of certain things. That's why I hate New Year's resolutions!

I am trying to remember, every day, how I felt in January. All things that make me feel sad have to go away because for about 8 days, I was ecstatic and it was nice. No, better than nice.

chrisp2412000 said...

Well those 8 days are a reminder of what every day CAN be like if we choose it. Even on the cloudiest day we control our own sunshine...and we decide how sad we'll be and how much we'll allow others to make us sad. Do what I used to do smack yourself upside the head and hit your reset button...people will look at you odd but that's part of the fun lmao

BenSmarty said...

I agree with the other half. I prefer cafeteria catholic and don’t consider that a pejorative. With the death of Pope John the church started reversing itself on Vatican II. So much for infallibility. So, like you I value my personal relationship with God as I know her. As for your approach to Lent, just one word – Brilliant. But would I expect anything less. ☺

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Chrisp: "Well those 8 days are a reminder of what every day CAN be like if we choose it." YES! That's what I've been shouting. Oh, okay, I don't really shout. I sorta whisper. But I whisper with authority!

@Ben: Cafeteria Catholic. I've heard this! I agree. And I agree with you re: Pope John Paul. The Church is in need of a fix for itself. I have read a lot about how it is reaching out to the 'lost sheep' and I think: I'd be happy to tell you what I think, if you really want to know.

When I did my pre-cana classes with my 2nd husband, I had the best priest. He totally got why I was so far away from 'home' as he called it. Instead of making me feel bad, he sent me out to a lake to think. That's where God lives, btw. In the places she's made.

Artemis J said...

I have been on a religious rampage as of late (another post I need to do - you and smarty are on my wave today or I am on yours, whatever)

I should give up something as well. Perhaps being lazy.

I knew that trip would change your life. I am glad for you!

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Arty: So, last year, I gave up fear of doing. That was pretty awesome because I ended up doing all kinds of things I never imagined.

Maybe I'll come up with something big for next year, lol. :)

raw form said...

I dont celebrate any of the holidays so I can't really relate to this feed I just wanted to comment to let you know I indeed did have a blog here I have yet to write on it but I'm here and I've read a few of your threads.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Raw: Welcome and HEY! You know, I am terrible all year at holidays and don't even know why Lent gets me all choked up. :)

Christy said...

I already had my Lent for the year :)

I do very much believe in the concept, though. Best wishes on letting go of grief and sadness. It's transformative to do so.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Christy: I had this grief conversation with my therapist who said:

Wow, I wouldn't know you were holding in grief. :)

Guess it's all that smiling I do.