Sunday, May 22, 2011

I Was A Willow Last Night In My Dreams...

I bent down over a clear running stream...

....'Crazy on You', Heart

I picked up a new yellow journal this week. It is the same PacMan Moleskin that I have been using for a few weeks now, but I needed to start from scratch.

I wanted to give myself a do-over of sorts.

You see, it's been a rough few weeks.

My friend lost a sister;

My best friend is finally having to admit that he's not in the relationship he wants;

Another friend lost his mother;

A new friend is mourning the anniversary of losing not just one, but two mothers;

"The Girl" is home from college and feeling very stressed.

And my faith in others has been bruised a bit in the most insane of ways. You know how something unexpected takes the wind of out your sails? Well, there. Then you know how I feel.

Or felt.

Putting it behind me, right? Getting over it. Learning that sometimes, people care more about those who leave than those who stay.

Writing about this whole sex in the city existence I have (as my therapist has called it because I wouldn't have thought of it).

It's all a lot to work out at once. I kept telling myself that I would focus, and I haven't.

That I would stick to a theme here, and I have, but at the same time I have traveled off of my own path.

Write a book. Train for triathlons. Open my heart. Forget that it is hurting in the first place.

Right now, I'd rather fly to the sun on wings made of paper than do one of those things.

And that's exactly why I'm trying so hard to remind myself that the hardest things to do are the most necessary.

So, today, A is home and we are setting our schedule for the week. I will run, and swim, and bike through whatever is ailing me.

And lucky for this space, I'll fill it with details of how one moves on from what they allow to hold them back.

5 comments:

Chris said...

You don't need no stinking theme !!! Besides all of lifes differnet themes are interconnected to make one HUGE theme for each of us. Like the joy or utter disappointment of eggnog waffles of which some of us are still waiting for :-/

Right now, I'd rather fly to the sun on wings made of paper than do one of those things.

Umm yeah different material but that didn't work too well for Icarus..he should have just walked it would have been easier...lol

darkhair23 said...

Hey Dee, I didn't know you wrote a blog! Awesome...I just wanted to say that this particular one spoke to me very much. Particularly this line:

"That I would stick to a theme here, and I have, but at the same time I have traveled off of my own path."

*sigh* I have been so fucked up these days, and this blog was very inspirational for me. ;) Love You!

Lisa in Denver said...

Dee - sounds like a hell of a few weeks. That sucks and I'm sorry. Seems to me though that you are doing the only thing to be done - breathe and move forward.

I am curious however...which character are you in your sex in the city???? ;)

Big hugs
~Lisa

NOVA_Sue said...

You write so beautifully.....hugs, my friend.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Chris: LOL! No, I guess I don't need a theme. Or at least not yet. :)

Oh, those eggnog waffles were delicious, but I think it was the fried chicken that really made them so good.

@Darkhair: First, come by whenever you want a blog visit. I've been writing for years, but only for a couple of months here.


And just so you know, when you are the most fucked up is when I want you to think about coming for a visit. Not to talk. Just to be, if that makes sense. Love you more.

@Lisa: Miranda! Totally! And maybe a bit of Samantha on some days. It has been an odd few months. No, maybe an odd year. I just don't know. Ever feel like you're so far ahead of the game yet so far behind, too?

@Sue: Hello!!! I need all the hugs I can get!