Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I Told Her I'd Never Fall In Love...

But Now I Know Better.
.....New Edition.

What is my relationship with 'The Prince'? That is something I've asked myself since the moment we met.

What. Are. You?

To be honest, you're either a prince or you aren't, right?

Can you be both things at once? Neither? I guess so.

I have resentments that I have tried to explain a few times to him, but I also see in him the man he knows he is, not the one others believe him to be. Maybe that's unfair to him, me and them. After everything is said, this person is a friend.

Now, I'm not a savant or a psychic. I'm just brutally honest about people, at least to myself.

Over the past year I have watched 'The Prince' and his saga unfold and each step of the way I have asked 'why?'.

Why does he do certain things and not do others?

Why does he hold women to a different standard than the one he has for himself?

Why, especially back in August, was he not totally aware of what he had done and how that one action, not speaking up, has led us to where we are now?

Why. Why. Why. And how come?

My male friends think he is a douche, even though they know I hate the feminization of words to show disgust towards men, so they stick with: Asshole.

My female friends 'Friends?' split the difference between him being great or him sucking. It depends on the day and who they are.

What I learned is that I am happy to pull away from the women who put 'The Prince' ahead of their relationships with me, and yes, there were a few who did that.

I don't know if they will, or can, admit it, but it was easy enough to see. They worried more about his feelings than mine, they cared more about getting him to engage them than they did about maintaining friendships with me. To be honest, I got it. Hell, we all met on an adult site so why would I be hurt that women put a man ahead of their female friendships?

Why, indeed.

But I was hurt. No, nevermind, AM hurt. So now that we have that out of the way, back to the backlog of posts that I hand-wrote, but was too tired to type.


Chris said...

Beyond the things directly with you while I admit initially I didn't have any clue who he was. Then when I did I wondered if he was still around..then was he aware of what was going on and laughed and shrugged it off. I'm sure your friends have said the same but seriously it wouldn't have taken much to stand up for truth and for someone who'd been a friend. It reads like a self-involved individual who won't stand up for general principles of many but only for himself and his own personal needs. I'm sure that's only my take on it though.
Personally I'd take the heat 40 times to stand up for a friend..but if they don't have the wherewithal to do it even once then who's it REALLY about ??

BubblevishiousDeux said...

You know, I will never understand it. When I start writing about what happened last August, everyone will say: wow, Bubbles is an idiot.

What I do know is that I will never feel as secure with this person because he shrugged off behaviors I found awful. It is always hard to express this stuff correctly because it sounds 'jealous'. It is more like 'incredulous'.

The screwed up part? I don't hesistate to stand by my friends, but more to the Prince's issues: I don't hesitate to stand up for myself.

Chris said...

I guess it's in each person to stand up or not when they feel the need to. I certainly won't judge you as to what the attraction is but to me we don't have to defend ourselves but when theirs others involved then it seems more like a "yeah so what...what's in it for me moment " that's just a perception I don't know all the info...running theme this week or what ?? :-D lol

Christy said...

If you're getting something positive out of your interaction with this Prince, then that's all that matters. Yet, it does sound like you're conflicted about things. If you believe him to be worthy of your time, then opinion of your friends should be next to nothing. If you have doubts as to him being worthy of your time, then that's a different story.

Just don't expect logic out of him (or anyone).

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Chris: You know what's funny, some people say they won't judge and I'm like, uh huh, you? Nope. I believe 1000 percent that you may tell me that you think I've fudged somewhere, but you won't say: That Bubbles sucks. Not unless I'm really sucking.

@Christy: I actually disagree with the comment about friends. My best friend has met just about every man I've ever dated seriously and his opinion counts as much as A's does in terms of one thing: They have known me now for 20+ years and if they can't offer an opinion, who can? They know what makes me happy, what scares me, makes me sad, etc. So while I may disagree with their opinion, or act counter to something they may have said, their thoughts on a subject count. Now, two people who are newer to the 'circle', Red and Smarty, have the same level of intimacy about what makes me tick. I think people would be surprised at some of the things we talk about. But, considering we all met at the same time, in the same place, it makes sense.

As for logic, I'm just happy when I'm making sense. I've long since given up on asking anyone else to.

@Diggy: You are right, my friend, and you know, I can say this hear: I am really jealous of your creative spirit and want to know if it's all naturally given, in which case I can be less jealous! :)

If it's all hard work, I'm getting my butt in gear asap!

Christy said...

I was very unclear. I didn't mean that you shouldn't value your friends' opinions about the character and suitability of a boyfriend/lover/partner. I didn't mean that you should put a man ahead of your friends. What I meant, but what I did a poor job of explaining, is that sometimes friends have a very hard time dealing with unconventional relationships. Although they may try to understand and be genuinely accepting and supportive, many of your friends may be a bit unconsciously prejudiced against such an unconventional relationship. It's quite hard not to let those feelings colors any assessment of a situation.

I have a friend who may never forgive Tod for his betrayal of me. That has less to do with Tod than with her own history of betrayal by men. Maybe she'll turn out to be right -- maybe Tod and I aren't suited for the long haul. But we seem to be very well suited right now, yes, even with a big and painful challenge that we've been facing.

Had I listened to her sincere advice, though, I would have divorced Tod. And there's still a lot of good there between us.

A different situation, I know. My point is that even with the best intentions, even with a long history of love and care for us, friends sometimes can't know the depth of feeling we have in our hearts for someone. Sometimes their protective instincts get in way. Sometimes, their own issues do.

We're all middle-aged. We're collectively starting to have quite a lot of wisdom. We also have more baggage. From my personal experience with my friends, I know how difficult it can be for even those closest to me to offer constructive support for open relationships, every now and then, even when they're in one.

Whether the Prince is actually a Prince *for you* and not really a pretender to the throne is ultimately, a call only you can make.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Christy: Ahh, now I get what you mean. What's funny is that people don't realize just how 'conventional' the relationship it. In fact, sometimes, that is exactly what causes some of the confusion I bet.

One of my closest friends told me that she would get me through my wedding to Chris and then she would be done because she didn't believe I was making the right decision. She was rigth, but it took 12 years to realize that I wasn't putting anything about myself first.

I believe that people who love you always want what is best for you. Even when (and especially, if) they can not articulate it well.

Is the Prince a prince? Yes, on many levels, we're talking about a good guy. One who needs time to decide for himself what makes him happy. I'm just here to tell my story and sometimes he'll play a role, other times he won't. Sometimes, there won't even be a story, I guess.

I'm at a point where I am not trying to get anything right, I'm just trying to get it out (if that makes any sense).