It is so funny that as children we played lots of 'Truth or Dare.'
I'd like to think that we would have been better served playing 'Truth and Consequences.'
My AFF experience has been interesting. Thankfully, I have a fast learning curve.
I have seen a lot of people hold other people's hands while they do things that should probably cause embarassment or at least a self-inflicted time out of sorts.
What are consequences? A few years ago, I fell in love with someone other than my husband. The consequences were that I was forced to tell A, my friends, family and some co-workers. The story is more than one person being lonely or sad or any one thing. My husband hated me. I am sure of this because he told me. It still does not mean my actions were right.
My affair meant that I opened myself up to consequences...ultimatums.
If I wanted to stay married, I would have needed to agree to counseling; to give up my best friend because he supported me; to cut off contact with 'The One' and to guve up a lot of friends, my writing and ultimately, my freedom. Why? Well, because I no longer deserved the freedom. As my then husband said...I had abused it.
Instead, I chose to leave the marriage. He didn't love me and while we were together, I did not love myself. The consequence of that decision? I had to be willing to stand on my own.
The result? A and I are happier than ever. But I still paid the price of my action. Even the people who supported me reminded me that I should have, could have, etc. And they were right. I didn't always want to hear it, but I still listened.
Why? Well, I don't want friends who only tell me I am great. I am not always. I make mistakes. I own them and learn from them.
On the Internet, we can create a godliness like no other place would allow.
Recently, I was reminded of how even when one person steps up and says: there are consequences for your actions...someone else will fill the ass kissing void.
How sad. I know what people say about others behind the scenes and then I see what they say in public. Coddling is a terrible thing.
But I should thank the coddlers because when it is noticed, I can usually fill the time that would have been spent with the coddler with other, less passive aggressively supportive activities.
All because I believe that bitching about this shit isn't enough. You have to be willing to say that actions have to have consequences, an apology only counts when it is from the heart and not covering repetitive bad behavior, and your own role in the repeat offenses needs to be reviewed and, if needed, corrected.
'The One' once wrote a blog about what was happening with my marriage. My husband wanted out, but he waited for me to act. Suicide by cop. How unfair to make someone else miserable because you are unhappy. It is even more awful to watch the train wreck and not at least dial 911.