Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I Wish I Could Lay Down Beside You...

When you have friends who insist on treating you both fairly and honestly, you can find yourself totally annoyed.

There. I said it out loud.

This is a true story. You have been warned.

I know when a person has given away too much and wants to hold onto something for themselves. I don't even need them to tell me. I can just feel it. I know when a person just wants to have fun and not get too serious and I know when they are lying to themselves and others.

I'm not a witch.

I just know myself.

22 years. That's how long I've been on my own. From the age of 16, I've been either taking care of myself or taking care of others.

This is nothing to get overly excited about it just is what it is.

But now that I've sent off a child to college; now that I've been divorced for a couple of years from a man who really didn't like me let alone love me and now that I have spent the past year dating, I can say:

Sometimes, I have no clue. Not one freaking clue. Not about myself and not about others.

I've met so many peolpe who say that they want x or y when in reality they are still at the start of the alphabet.

And...I've stepped aside to let others choose their own course of action so often that I should really have my picture on a road sign and then I could become part of the DMV test.

I listen to what people around me say and I wonder if they hear themselves. Often the answer is: No. They do not. They talk a great game but they are liars. Or maybe they honestly have no idea what they are doing.

Either way it is a little scary.


Christy said...

I'm unclear. You said, "When you have friends who insist on treating you both fairly and honestly, you can find yourself totally annoyed."

Why 'annoyed?'

Kristi said...

Yeah....I get the annoyance. I have to repeatedly tell The Cowboy that statements like "I don't care" or "whatever you want" is not an answer. He laughs at me, then tells me what he wants and "we" make a decision.

However, we still don't have a freaking clue sometimes I guess we are all in good company.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Christy: Well, when you know your friends have a valid point or two, it is annoying when you can't retreat into yourself and pretend things aren't better than they are in reality. I mean...who wants that emotional ass kicking? :)

Even though it is for the good!

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Kristi: I know people love it when I say: no, really, whatever you want is cool.

Oh, and I definitely got told that saying: Do whatever makes you happy is not a way to run a relationship.

Best advice the man ever gave me!

Chris said...

I listen..but I pay attention to actions WAY more :-) I'm also glad that I've reached the point that I take things far less personally there's always 2 people involved in a scenario and I can only really control one of their actions...the other I just have to read and react and know that people let far more out in their words, actions and body language they don't really need to tell me a whole heck of alot I can't figure out myself lol

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Chris: Wait, it's only your actions you can control, right?

I mean, you aren't like a master puppeteer, correct?

Because that would be sort of cool.

Atlanta_Red said...

I tend to think they "think" they want what they are saying because they are afraid of "more". That usually is how it plays out. And then they meet "the one" and things change even when they keep saying what they have always said.

Just saying . . . . . .

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Red: If you are right, and you usually are, then I'd like to be the one for someone who wants to be my one and so on and so forth until the end of time.

iamkionda said...

Half the time people don't know what they really want. They may say they want one thing but end up with something totally different...and be totally happy with it! This has been me before...having a huge variance between what I THOUGHT I wanted and what felt right.

I was also the "I don't care" girl when it came to deciding what to do. Then I would get annoyed because they'd do the same thing. Lol. I don't do that so much nowadays.

As far as what feels right, I've grown to trust my instinct or how I'm feeling about a person or situation more. It's normally right on - my instinct. Words are great but don't mean much until I put an action to them. I still need to work on trusting both a bit more...and stop with the self sabotage. :)