Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Science Of Loving Yourself Way Too Much...

Trust me, you aren't that interesting.

Actually, neither am I.

A few days ago I linked a HuffingtonPost article onto my Facebook page.
The article, Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?, was a big hit as a status update.

Of course it was. First, we all know at least one narcissist, right?

I know I do. I love the ones who refer to themselves as 'empathetic' towards others. Grade school psych majors can tell you those two words can not go together. I remember saying that once. I was told I didn't know what I was talking about. Where is the 'that's so ironic' emoticon when you need it?

My favorite sentence from the article was:

Perhaps narcissists assume that others are just failing to realize how bitchin' they really are. They may think that people are just too dim to recognize their brilliance. Another possibility is that narcissists may think critics are just envious of them. Narcissists may take negative feedback and think to themselves, "Those haters are just jealous!"

Ha. Haha. Ha. See, I believe this sums up the whole study. Actually, it sums up all three studies. Prefection.

I had a long talk with "The Prince" last night and we went through the usual talking points of 'what's new, etc' and we started talking about narcissitic behavior.

He has a lot more patience for it than I do. I wish I could learn from him, but that would be a long learning process.

See, I don't find anything appealing abour the behavior. At all. I find it sad and annoying. I think a lot could be written about the stories "The Prince" and I could tell.

In fact, I have a friend, "The Writer" who wants to have dinner this weekend so we can talk about these books we all keep talking about writing.

My time on "The World's Largest Sex Site" should come in handy, right?

I mean, look at all of the stories I can now tell. No, no one will ever believe me. It is impossible for anyone to imagine some of the things adults do and say to each other all for the sake of being liked.

And yet, it is not only possible, but it is happening every day. And, for those of us who can read, it is also a wonderful study on human behavior.

Yeah, I may need to re-think my major. It isn't too late for med school is it?

For more on the science of self-love...


Sati said...

Well now, I don't know. I kind of think of myself as an empathic narcissist.

I'll have to go back and read the article again. I have so many things to do on my list of "stuff that needs redoing when I've got some sleep" it isn't even a little bit funny anymore.

And it's never too late for medical school! Unless you're in the UK, in which case they don't accept you if you're past 25. Ridiculous country that we are.

Eileen said...

You know I believe you. We both have a book in us somewhere about those experiences! For me, it could take decades to write while I tease out my own behavior. But for all the truly hideous narcissists I met, I know none of them believe that any of their bad behavior was their fault. I wonder if narcism is really just being pathologically un-self aware?

Artemis J said...

I have no desire to read this post, as it is not about me.

Artemis J said...

There is a key word that people do not comprehend and that is not in their vernacular:

Frankly, most people are narcissists. I fully admit to being one.

Being paranoid?.... Narcissist. Feeling self conscious....narcissist.
I mean really - are people actually paying that much attention to you? They have better things to do than coddle you ass. And those that don;t are pathetic and just trying to feel special. Everybody's special, get over it.

Artemis J said...

I apologize for the typos.

iamkionda said...

Self love is big business. There are plenty of books out there on that and other subjects. I say go for it! Write your books! :)

Chris said...

I simply never understand what people are thinking when they can recognize people that are narcissist's and still have anything to do with them. Family or coworkers you're stuck with..anybody else is a choice. Narcissist are fed not only by themselves but by others. People have to buy their bullshit first don't they ?? On a base level would you trust someone with anything when so much is based on them and ONLY them ??

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Sati: I think that by being a writer, we all have some kind of narcissistic tendencies. That's perfectly ok.

I once read someone who said they were empathetic towards others, all while acknowledging their own severe case of narcissism. They two can't go together because in the long-run, narcissism will win out over the needs of those around us. I think people should be okay saying that because then you can deal with them in a real way.

25 huh!? I had no idea, but I guess it makes some sort of sense considering how long medical school is.

@Eileen: We DO have a book in us. Narcissism is a pathological disorder for sure, but I think I just read that it was removed from the latest DSM because it is not a formal disease. A little of it is good for us; a lot of it is bad for us, too.

@Arty: First, you are a riot. And forget the spellos. You should see what I write when I do it from my ipad. I look challenged in the spelling department.

As for accountability. Yeah, what is that? Do you know how much can be forgiven if someone is willing to admit they messed up? Yeah, a lot!

@Kionda: I should write a self-love book, but I keep getting distracted by AFF stories, lol.

@Chris: First, do you know that every time I write your name, I hit the "T" button by mistake?

You know what's really funny: I have enough narcissists in my family to know that sometimes, it takes about 3,000 miles to keep me sane.


Christy G said...

'He has a lot more patience for it than I do.'

Is it possible a narcissist person will be more patient to the trait in another than a non narcissist person ?

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@ChristyG: You know what I thougth about this: You are right.

Actually, it's what I thought when it was happening. Remind me to tell you what my best friend said about the reaction to all of this...

Oh, screw it: The reaction was: Okay, let's just end this now. He has far less patience for people than I do. :(

Kristi said...

I am NOT a narcissist....it's just that mine is a superior intellect....ROFLMAO.

I always wanted to use part of that line from "Star Trek:The Wrath of Khan". Thank you.

Actually, I think what makes us not narcissists is the ability to laugh at ourselves.

Ms. Much said...

@Bubbles: Narcissism unrestrained is a personality disorder and just goes to prove my theory that MD's are idiots (so if you could please please go to med school and change that perspective for me, that would be GREAT!)

In the meantime - I may not be a docter or psychologist or whatever but I believe Narcissism is the little part of us that reminds us to think about ourselves every now and again. It has to be balanced out with empathy and humility. On the flip side empathy left unrestrained (by ones level of narcissism) creates dangerous vulnerability that when preyed upon (by narcissists, none the less) leads to your opposite personality disorders like autophobia, and other self-loading disorders where ones needs have been so completely diminished that they cannot possibly see what others would see in them as a friend, lover, co-worker, etc..etc. and they are undeserving of others empathy - maybe a little narcissism in their lives might just clear that right up. (I know easier said than done...been there, done that.)

How can autophobia, self-loathing, depression, etc etc be identified as a real disease, yet narcissism is no longer recognized as a disease? They are the same disease, an inbalance between ones ability to love themselves and to show empathy/humility towards others.

But what do I know, right? I just lived through it!

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Kristi: I am glad I could help! :)

I laugh at myself all of the time. It's to the point where I am sure I need my own comedy show. I just need a producer to recognize my talent. ;)

@Ms.Much: First, welcome!!! This is going to be fun. You sound like you might have just a teeny-bitsy bit of experience with some personality disorders in your life. Not that you have them. My sentence lacked structure. :)

Med school...sadly, I definitely don't have the patience. ;)

DarwinsLemur said...

"...I don't have the patience. ;)" Hahaha ha ha hahahahaha.

In my field one can be successful by being genuinely curious about the world and having interesting ideas or by having one or two well-received successes and then promoting the hell out of them and yourself. Just about everywhere I've worked since grad school I've encountered pathological narcissists. Unfortunately, you do have to deal with them, but the best course I've found is to minimize interaction as much as possible. A narcissist with tenure can be a very dangerous animal, especially when cornered.

As for Med School, do you think you'd be enough of a narcissist to pass your God course?

BubblevishiousDeux said...


'A narcissist with tenure can be a very dangerous animal, especially when cornered.'

Brilliant. Last night, I found myself annoyed by someone's interactions with a number of people on the other site. Then I thought: Uh, wait a minute. I just spent Easter day with a, I'm training for races, love my job and have great eyelashes (smile), wtf am I annoyed with this person for exactly?

You really are very smart.

And there is a cupcake cart outside of the MOMA. I took Red to it but we didn't get cupcakes we got shakes. Or I did.