Friday, June 24, 2011

We Only Said Goodbye With Words…

I was thinking about the men who have come into my life over the past year. I don’t think I (or you, dear readers) need a cheat-sheet yet, but maybe one day I’ll write one anyway.

And what have they all taught me?

That love means many things to many people, but that friendship means even more things.

You see, friendship between men and women can be tricky.

And, because I have so many married male friends, friendship with them is even trickier sometimes.

I often joke that there needs to be a book written about the types of things married men look for, and it isn’t always sex. But no one would believe me. So, instead, I will tell you a little story.

I have a friend “The Libra” and we’ve been friends for four years now. I met him before I met “The One” and that was always a sore point for “The One” and I. He always thought Libra and I had been sexually intimate, which has never been true.

What we have been is emotionally intimate, which I can totally see is often just as bad, if not worse. We have listened to each other when family members have died; when our spouses (when I was married) have told us how much they don’t (or didn’t) love us and so on until the end of time of sad things spouses sometimes do.

Libra has had a number of affairs and yes, he did ask me out because he was interested. Then we started spending time telling jokes and watching movies and going to bars and we became friends.

Sometimes, married people want friends.

Libra has done many things for me, including being one of the first people to check on me after my surgery over a year ago. I consider him to be a great friend, but that means I sometimes have to tolerate some things I don’t like. For instance, we were supposed to have drinks yesterday. But, when I didn’t hear from him on Sunday or Monday, I figured he would get busy. Instead, he texted on Wednesday to say he would see me at 5:00 PM that night. That would have been great if I hadn’t already made plans because I thought Thursday was his preference.

We got into a nice discussion about timing and he decided that this was a great time to explain all of the ‘responsibilities’ he has and the ‘hoops’ he has to go through to get a night out.

And while I ‘hear’ what he is saying…I think that I have finally grown weary of the men I know assuming my job or responsibilities are less important than theirs.

Yes, I don’t have small children, but I still have a child. And as far as I can see, I am not aware of anyone who is a doctor, cop of firefighter in my life, therefore most jobs are as important (or not) as mine.

Isn’t it interesting that as we age, we lose sight of certain things. Things like: How to communicate. Libra and I won’t speak for a few days or weeks because he has to be mad at someone and I’m easier to be mad at because I require the least. I get that. But what has developed is that I’m starting to remove everything that doesn’t work from life just to make things simpler.

So…go figure. I just realized why people have affairs in many cases: They treat their spouses like they treat strangers, sometimes. Actually, sometimes it’s worse.


Chris said...

Is it possible that you and Libra became so close because you had similiar circumstances at the time..and that since yours has changed then the fogs cleared some now that there's a little more simplicity and less turmoil of a similar nature around your own life ?? Or maybe you're less tolerant of it since you went through it yourself and maybe look at those situations with a little less patience than you used to because you're not choosing that life anymore ??

You know my thoughts...what married men AND women should be looking for is at home and if they don't get it there then they need to either try harder or accept it and move on. They do it for reasons they justify over and over like kids don't notice..right !! lol

I can go on...but I won't ;-)

Other peoples "hoops" are their choices and each of us has our own to make. Life's alot simpler without all of them to jump through.
So you're open water swimming these days right ?? Say you take a friend and you have a good workout swim and then you're just relaxing there and enjoying the view waiting for the sunset....

Option A is a single friend and you just sit there..and almost hear the sun sizzle the ocean as it drops down on the smile and figure out what the hell you two are gonna do with the rest of your evening :-)

Option B- Is a married person you're close with..same workout same view and just before that moment on the horizon...a cell phone rings :-/...Gotta go !! it's those damn hoops again..Have a great night *waves as he scatters towards his car*

Who gets to choose A or B ?? :-)

BubblevishiousDeux said...


Why are you so freaking smart? You said everything I was thinking, lol! Everything.

The weird part is that I don't miss him. I didn't miss him even before we had this discussion. So that's how I know the timing is right.

And yes, we did have a common bond at one point and I think a big part of me has no use for people who won't fix their problems, but instead want everyone around them to accomodate their needs, while ignoring the needs of others.

This is maturity, right?

Chris said...

I REALLY liked how you said "accommodate their needs". People who are like that need a healthy dose of wait around for my ass now...lmao

I've just always found it ridiculous in general when people like that..and unfortunately there does seem to be alot of people like that.. don't ever look outward and look at what they expect from others because I really do believe that regardless of what anyone says a conscience is eventually involved..that all the choices they make and the assumptions they make how others should "accommodate their wants" eventually will make their lives a whirlwind of emotions and hoops to jump through and who seriously wants that from life ?? When others choose a complicated life there's not much to consider or feel sorry for, other than the fact that they obviously don't get the fact that if the shoe was on the other foot they'd smell the stench of it a little clearer and maybe do something to deal with it