Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Maybe You Will Always Be...Just A Little Bit Out Of Reach...

Usually, at this time of year, I am returning from my trip to Chicago. I love the city during "Taste of Chicago" because it was there that I truly knew what it meant to be falling in love with "The One".

This year...I went to DC for a day and saw "The Actor", but more on that later.

Now, I want to talk about what was happening around this time last year.

I had just seen 'The One' for a few days and we talked about all that had gone wrong and all that had gone right. I told him that when I left Chicago, I would be doing it as a single person. That I thought we should take time to think about what we wanted or needed, but that the only place I really wanted to be was with him. I also mentioned that I was still having the trust issues of him having left me in Austin and I needed time to work on this.

Meanwhile, back at home, both 'The Prince' and 'The Actor' were checking in on me. I think they knew how hard it was for me to be in Chicago.

While I was driving back to New York, my cell phone started going off like crazy. None of the texts were really to me, but rather, about 'The Prince'. Our hostess from Maryland was trying to figure out how she could find time alone with him in DC at our next blogger bash and people kept asking me how to answer. To be honest, I wasn't sure. No one realized that he and I had agreed to share a room with 'The Actor' and one other blogger, and I didn't want to be the one telling everyone so I just said: It will work out. I honestly believed it would be just fine.

And there it started...weeks of learning that regardless of if we called it a blogger bash or a swinger's party or a rodeo in the outback, people made plans to be with people and then hid the plans. People cried and they manipulated and they told strange stories to get others to do what they wanted.

One gentleman asked if I would be his birthday present...

Yeah...exactly. And that's all good, except, knock on wood, I didn't go to these parties to hook up. Ask Smarty, I was always upset because I was trying to get out of them. They weren't fun for me. They were work. And frustrations. And lots of other things. But I am a firm believer that no one else had to know about this, at least not the guests.

So, here we were, in the weeks leading up the DC Blogger Bash and all I wanted was to be far away from it. Now there is a weekend I wish I could un-do and never do again.

But, wait, that's a story for later. For the time being, 'The Actor' and I were having a blast doing the silliest of things like museums and making popcorn and sharing stories about our mis-spent youth. Ahh, what a start to summer it was...Oh, and I was quite sure ‘The Prince’ was in love, or something like it, with our hostess, and that she felt the same.

And there is the story you won’t hear in the Grease-edition.


Christy said...

As someone who came into that weekend with very little of the backstory, I was amazed at the toxic brew of emotions swirling around the event. What I saw from the vast majority of people there was enough of a turn off that I didn't care to pursue "friendships" with most of them. I never said that till now. There were a few people I actively disliked. There were a few who really creeped me out. There were many of them that I just didn't connect with. There was a person or four there that I liked very much. But circumstances or fate or misunderstandings and miscommunication stunted the development of any real friendships. Well, either that or they just weren't that into me, the people I really liked. So be it.

I was reminded yet again just how perplexing group dynamics are to me. I saw some truly shocking behavior at that event. It was enough that I never wanted to repeat the experience.

Mr. Mike said...

My experiences with get-togethers is pretty limited. But after hearing so many stories about what goes on, I wonder if I ever would want to attend one. Is it because of the size some of these reach? It is because of the ratio of men/women? It is because of a small number of instigators? I really do not get it.

Group-think can be a truly funny animal.

But I also hope that I can attend one that will prove me totally wrong. :-)

BubblevishiousDeux said...


I have to shake my head because even as a person actually organizing the event(s), I knew so little of the back stories until the weekend started. And some stories I didn't learn about until well after. I'd love to say August 2010 was an anomaly, but it wasn't.

I've been lucky to have gathered around me people I totally love and respect and want to understand and I want them to understand me. But it took a while to remove the things I didn't like, mainly because there was so much cross-over. Do you know that it wasn't until February of this year, in Chicago, that I actually began talking about this to anyone other than Red and Smarty? I couldn't wrap my mind around it all. Not really. I just knew that I drove home from DC in shock; got home; cried; cried some more that week; got mad at the posts I saw saying we were all one big happy family and then decided I had done and seen enough. Will I always get tagged with being mean or telling a story that shouldn't be told? Yeah.

But this is my new home and I can say what I want. And now I can say thank you for reading it. I wish I was still reading 'there' so I could better keep up with so many of you, but it truly hurts my heart to log in.

Wait until I get to the really good stuff, lol.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Mike: I did a total of 3 big events last year; Smarty beat me by going to a 4th. What I learned is that while I love small meets; love meeting people I like online and have a great time; the group dynamic is too much for too many.

Okay, I'm a snob! I do events for a living so I am prepared for the things that break out in normal settings, but add sex and alcohol and feelings and you get mayhem. Sorry, it's true.

Everyone can say it isn't, but even hearing the things that happen, are happening, or happened, at events I am not involved with tells me that people need to be way more honest ahead of time before booking their trips.

Oh, wait, it is so nice to see you here. :)

Lisa said...

I've said this before and I will say it again....

You couldn't pay me to go to a "Bloggers Bash". Not just because of what has happened in the past year at the ones that were put together, but from past experiences with the online format v. reality.

I've done the get togethers, with just a handful of people and a little bit larger. And no matter what the site is....it's always the same story. The larger the group get together....the more lies, deceits, back-stabbing, and rumors.

It's totally not worth it.

It's also a case where so many people take their online persona and put it into a perspective that they are larger than life. Whether that is who they truly are or not, anyone can put on a farce for a few days. Their fantasy meets reality and it always ends badly.

It is why I will stick to meeting one, two, maybe even three people at a time. People who all truly want to meet someone and put a live face to a name. Who actually want to get to know a person and just enjoy a person's company, without some sort of hidden agenda that hides in the darkness. Large groups, quite frankly, scare the shit out of me. I've seen the animal they can become.

Chris said...

I'd like to go to a Blogger Bash just once because there people can't hide behind childish rules on a website. I'm nice..until I'm not ;-)

People go through all that drama because people around it allow it. I like making assholes slink away uncomfortably :-D

One of my favorites was when my ex-gf in the days leading up to her moving out of my house everybody was clammoring to be the "shoulder" to the SF when none of them knew she was an ass who earned it. She used to tell me what people said ..who knows why reverse psychology to make me try harder to tolerate her crap??
More than one person got the "warning" and several other people contacted me to find out what was up when others contacted to know if I'd be at this party or that..they wanted to avoid "issues" lmao

That last part about "love" ..I suppose people who are full of shit and want everybody to worship them have things in common enough to be in "love"... with themselves.. while hiding deep rooted insecurities...k
inda pathetic actually lol Empathy is reserved for those who deserve it :-D

iamkionda said...

It is a very good thing that I left when I did.....

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Lisa: For years, I stayed far away from them, or when I did go, I stuck so close to 'The One' that you'd have thought we were one person, lol.

I honestly believe that if people understood themselves better, they wouldn't need to create these fake personas, which really don't last longer than a few hours at a time anyway.

Something happened at the DC bash that had me say to 'The Prince', if so and so had just had an hour to themselves, they would have seen how horrible they were and they would have fixed things before going on to tell more lies. Whatever. What do I know? I'm in therapy, lol.

@Chris: What? You're not always nice? I don't believe it.

You know, I write these posts, read replies, understand everything said and still, sometimes, wonder...how hard is my love life always going to be because I'm not who I was 10 years ago. Or 15. I want to be treated a certain way and I finally get it, in my 30s, that you can't barter with respect.

@Kionda: I always think you get it right. You may go and spend time at parties, but it isn't you as the total definition of 'you'. It's fun. As long as it is, you're smarter than anyone who lets it get serious and life-altering.

Atlanta_Red said...

You, probably more than anyone, know that I am exactly on line as I am in person. 'Nuff said on that subject.

As for the bashes, Smarty has even said maybe I got it right for not going to them. I prefer to think I did have it right. Too many psychos to deal with!!!

As for where you were a year ago, I think you have learned a lot over this last year and you are in a much better space. Just sayin' . . . . .

BenSmarty said...

I know a few things...

1. Christy wasn't at an event last fall that she probably should have been (in terms of friends there) because of what happened in DC.

2. Blogger Bashes are like Pringles. You can't go to (eat) just one.

3. I too know that Red is exactly the same way online as she is in person. I say thank God for that.

4. I was with you and my Ben for most of that crazy summer. Wouldn't change it. Nope. We all learned so much.

BubblevishiousDeux said...

@Red: Yes, and I love you because of this fact. Another fact: I did learn a lot thsi past year. I'm stronger than even I like to admit. I can handle just about anything. Wish people would stop testing that out.

@Smarty: You are so right! Christy should have been in STL for sure. That would have been a great bash for her to meet so many people she loves and blogs with on a regular basis.

I wouldn't change your item #4 either. :)