Is drawn by only circumstance.
.....Anonymous Quote
Sometimes, when I look back at my time with "The One", I realize that we were in a constant state of flux. Or, maybe it was just me.
An affair can become like a drug. You need your fix. And yet, it was the times when we were alone, sitting at a cafe, or reading together in bed, that we were the happiest.
I remember one museum trip early in our relationship. I had always wanted to visit the Chicago Museum of Art and the day we picked for this trip was perfect. Of all of the things that I saw that day, one exhibit stood out:
"Untitled" was a masterpiece in its simplicity.
Per the exhibit:
Felix Gonzalez-Torres produced work of uncompromising beauty and simplicity, transforming the everyday into profound meditations on love and loss. “Untitled” (Portrait of Ross in L.A.) is an allegorical representation of the artist’s partner, Ross Laycock, who died of an AIDS-related illness in 1991. The installation is comprised of 175 pounds of candy, corresponding to Ross’s ideal body weight. Viewers are encouraged to take a piece of candy, and the diminishing amount parallels Ross’s weight loss and suffering prior to his death. Gonzalez-Torres stipulated that the pile should be continuously replenished, thus metaphorically granting perpetual life.
I can remember walking over to the exhibit and taking 2 pieces of candy. One for me and one for the love of my life.
3 years later and I still have that piece of candy in my jewelry box. Maybe that was the best part of being in love. While the chaos of the world was moving around us, when we were together, the simplicity of just 'being' kept all fears and doubts away. Together, we always felt safe.
An affair is not a cause for a celebration on any level. It requires a lot of bad behavior to protect those few moments of good. Again, the burden of being in love at the wrong time is just sometimes too much to understand.
But each time I open my jewelry box I look at that simple gold-wrapped piece of candy and I know, without a doubt, that for a moment in time, my heart was safe.
4 comments:
Don't ever stop putting pen to paper.
@Free: I just bought 2 new journals so I guess I'm good for a while in terms of not stopping. :)
"It requires a lot of bad behavior to protect those few moments of good. Again, the burden of being in love at the wrong time is just sometimes too much to understand"
I think most people are too judgemental to really understand this, but it struck a mighty chord with me. The line between love and obsession is thin indeed, and maybe the only thing which keeps them apart is the way you deal with them.
Seems like you are going through a lot, but I'm not hearing from you. Can I not be a shoulder, even if you don't find shoulders easy?
From someone who has been reading your mind. Or do you really want me to "stop please"?
Having been in a relationship with someone who was married and eventually left..I still know though we had HUGE issues that ended it I do consider her the true love of my life. I also realized the excitement of me seeing it as someone risking it all to love me added a layer above what's a norm in a relationship and that for her until she finally decided to break it off with her husband had that same emotional yearning. That all encounters were intensified because of the risks involved for both. It's not discounting the feelings there because I still know if I saw her today I'd still have the feeling in my stomach that would make me wanna throw up..in a good way if that makes sense, but I also know that time has passed and it can never be the way it was at that time. The intensity drew down and all the love was still there even through all the conflict but 4 years later it was done. It probably should have been 2 years earlier for the both of us but the love we had is nothing to regret or mourn anymore.Though it took me a long time to come to that realization for myself.
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